A man speaks frantically into the phone,"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

***************

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results.They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

***************

"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"

"Yes, of course..."

"Great! I never could before!"

***************

A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there.

The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.

"The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?"

and the man replies, "No, just spots."

***************